April 15th is known as “Tax Day” here in the U.S. This year, since the 15th fell on a holiday, procrastinators got an extra weekend. For those of my followers who reside “across the pond” April 15 is the date that everyone has to reconcile their income taxes paid for the year. Best case scenario, people paid the government too much money during the year and they get a “refund” of the overpaid taxes. Worst case scenario, you didn’t pay enough and you have to pay back the extra owed. Most of us count on the “refund” and hope to treat ourselves to a little vacation, or a new computer, etc. For those of you who are “salty” at getting no refund, this will make you feel better as well. I thought I would “celebrate” by compiling a list of some of the WORST ways to spend your income tax refund. Sadly, most of these have afflicted our family:
- The Car Died. Cars are cleverly disguised EVIL GENIUSES that sense whenever you REALLY need money, and decide to DIE. Right. Then. From blown tires, dead batteries and disintegrated alternators to Bad brakes, rusty mufflers and bad transmissions CARS EAT MONEY and poop out nauseating fumes. I would hazard a guess that as much as 40% of income tax refunds have been spent on SOMETHING related to cars. Maybe I should just fill my closet (the Daily Post) with car parts.
- The Dog. Well you finally get a tax refund…and the dog runs in dot of a car, eats th wrong thing or just gets REALLY sick. What do you do? You give the vet your tax refund..and maybe even more. After all, we have to take care of our four legged besties who take care of us…and the Vet KNOWS this too (cha CHING).
- Health Insurance Premiums. This is the woe of the year for my fam this year. YAY we are getting a refund!! BOOO, they just now got our insurance to go through and we now have to come up with $1200 to pay for 4 months of in back health insurance premiums. BOO! Bye bye Benjamins.
- The kiddo needs ear tubes. So the 4 year old needs ear tubes? Yep, that will be $3,000 please, and you have only satisfied $7,000 of your $12,000 deductible, so cough it up mom and dad.
The clothes washer and/or dryer died. Sadly as working parenas, we don’t have time (or cooperative weather here in Cleveland) to hand wash and line dry clothes. And I don’t have time or money for laundromats. So when these appliances die…replacements MUST be purchased. *Angrily Throws money at appliance store clerk*.
- The 7 year old doesn’t have room for all his teeth. Again, you can’t deny your kid medical treatment, even when it’s related to his teeth. When the orthodontist shows you x-rays that your kiddo’s mouth isn’t big enough (although I always thought his mouth was PLENTY big enough) for his teeth to come in, you sign over the refund.
- The refrigerator is no longer frigid. When the fridge dies, so does the food in it (and my soul dies when food dies). So a new fridge, plus a shopping trip needed to restock the fridge = bye bye refund (plus bye bye appetitive after cleaning THAT rancid mess out).
- The Horse broke it’s…anything. As expensive as pets are… the bigger the animal, the BIGGER the bill. My sister’s horse had something go wrong (sorry horse chicks, but I can’t remember exactly what) and got off “easy” with a $3,000 bill. I told her she could have MADE money on that incident by sending him for dog chow, but then she punched me.CALM DOWN, I’m not THAT mean that I would dog chow Tonto, but you get the point.
- A Pediatric MRI costs HOW MUCH? While I ADORE doctors, nurses and their medical expertise, I do NOT adore the associated bills (as you can tell since over 50% of this list is medical). When your kiddo has a condition that causes his body to manufacture tumors, and he needs an MRI to make sure that his seizures aren’t coming from a brain tumor, you don’t question it. Apparently children under 3 need to be sedated for MRIs (you mean three year olds can’t lay still for 30 minutes?). When the bill comes in at $3,000 i cursed and hit my heD on the table so hard I should have gotten an MRI.
- It’s not a Boy OR a Girl… it’s Kidney Stones! As the dear hubs will attest, kidney stones come more when the weather changes, which of COURSE coincides with tax time. Him & I still debate on whose “deliveries” were worse, I of course claim my GIANT CRANIUMed son was THE WORST, but the hubs claims his “Stonies” were worse. Regardless of which was worse, you have to pay the bills with those refunds.
And the WINNER goes to: You stayed up late the night before preparing and filing your tax return, and were SOO tired the next morning while driving to work that you didn’t realize how fast you were going…until those blue and red flashing lights suddenly make you look down at the speedometer. DANG IT!! You were going 11 miles over the speed limit, and the police officer got you. When you try to explain off that you were overtired from tax compilation, and OBEYING the LAW…he thanks you with… A SPEEDING TICKET!! *HEAD DESK*. THAT Sucked!!
So to all of you who scored refunds that you can spend as you wish, CONGRATULATIONS! Go out and have a nice dinner so I can live vicariously through you. Better yet…put some of that money into stocks in wine, whisky & beer companies, since the rest of us may try to scratch up money to purchase those coping mechanisms…I mean products. 🙂
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