SO the Daily Post Word of the Day today is Earth, which is not surprising, as it is Earth Day. I’m going to take this in a COMPLETELY different direction from everyone else…as usual. When I think of Earth, I am reminded of the saying “WHAT/WHY on EARTH would you (or did you) do that?” SO without further ado, pomp or circumstance, I have compiled a list of things that make me say WHAT/ WHY on EARTH…
Meg’s Disclaimer/Warning: The rest of this post may be overly silly, inappropriate, etc. so don’t read it if you are somewhere that you can’t LOUDLY giggle, laugh, guffaw or snort. Additionally PLEASE use discretion and don’t eat or drink while reading this, I’m not very good at the remote Heimlich maneuver. Finally, PLEASE make sure you have Peed recently BEFORE reading this, or go gird yourself with Depends first… You have been warned!
WHY on EARTH …
- … do dogs think that my dirty panties make a great chew toy?
- … do children magically only have to go to the bathroom when you are in a car, or in the only bathroom in the house?
- … do children think that when I’m am in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet is the BEST time to come in and ask me questions?
- … do people drive 10 miles an hour slower when I am running late?
- … does the dog on kiss my face AFTER she ate her own fecal matter?
- … do children always get sick at 2 am when all doctor’s offices are closed?
- … do people think think it’s “cool” or “fashionable” to wear their pants sagging BENEATH THEIR BUTT, and heir undies hanging out? HERE’s a THOUGHT: Maybe they are called UNDERwear since they are supposed to be UNDER what you wear!!
- … do children go play on the mud AFTER a bath and clean clothes?
- … do babies wait until it’s deadly quiet at church, such as during a prayer, to fart and take a boom boom in their diapers?
- … did they think of shoving cotton up a woman’s hoo hah to deal with her period… but they haven’t thought to do the same thing for allergy induced runny noses?
Another angle is that we do a lot of things just because it’s the way they are done. Did you ever wonder WHY things are done a certain way, or even at all? Which leads me to…
WHAT on EARTH were they THINKING when…
- someone tried milk for the first time? “Hmm, this just came out of my COW, let’s try it.” I mean I like milk, but really, WHO came UP with the idea to taste a liquid that had been secreted by a bovine?
- they (you KNOW it was men) decided that boys/men should pee standing OVER the toilet?!!! WHY can’t they just SIT and pee like the rest of US?? It’s OBVIOUS whoever came up with this NEVER cleaned a restroom!!!!
- invented nylons? If you are uncomfortable in a skirt, HERE, put some incredibly thinly weaved plastic over your fat…I mean thighs. Now you won’t feel uncomfortable about your fat legs, because you are in too much over the blazing FIRE from your fat, plastic coated thighs rubbing and CHAFFING to worry about how you look.
- invented bikinis? You are going swimming, in water COLDER than your body temp, and you are bounding and moving around, so THEN WHY invent something that BARELY covers the hoo ha and ta Tas?
The world may NEVER know. What on EARTH drives you crazy? Come tell us while you Just Shave your legs with us on FB.