The Daily Post email pinged in my inbox this morning with the word Mask. That word hit me to the core. Yesterday night was one of the worst “episodes” that Jonah has had to date, coming frighteningly close to violent (for more backstory on this, check out Meg on Motherhood: “Take a Deep Breath”). Then I called several neuropsychologists’ offices (to try and get in to get a handle on WHAT is going on, or at least rule out what is not) and am told that they can fit us in “right away”…in the first week of JUNE!! Despair starts creeping in, so what am I going to do today? The same thing I always do: pull on my “everything is fine, let’s laugh at life” mask. But the thing about masks is they don’t fix problems…they just hide them away. So the fact that I’m putting this out here is a HUGE step for me, especially since I’m jeopardizing my reputation “Funny Girl” reputation. I’ll pause here to get my pats on the back from y’all…
So in the interest of lifting my mask and helping me to focus on the good, and not the pain that caused unintentionally by an undiagnosed disorder, here is a list of “JonahPants-isms” that he has said or done that always make me smile:
- “We rode the Roastercoaster!”- The speech therapists say not to enforce incorrect pronunciations of words, but I actually PREFER Roastercoaster instead of roller coaster.
- That one time I told him he had diarrhea and he cried saying: “MOM, I no want to DIE!”
- I was in the car with Jonah and we were talking about God, when Jonah says the following: “Mom! God is spelled G-O-D, right? And Dog is spelled D-O-G!! Did you know that dog is God backwards? That’s why dogs are so great and I love them!”
- This is the story that explains Jonah’s sweet, sensitive, deeply caring personality more than anything:
I was 3 months pregnant with Aria & in the bathroom THROWING my TOENAILS up (I threw up EVERYTHING, all day every day when pregnant). Jonah, who was probably 2 or 2 1/2 at the time, toddled in and kept “patting” me on the back while saying “No boo boo. Love you.” When I was done and walked past the mirror, I discovered that he had actually taken band-aids and put them on me trying to “fix” my “boo boo”.
. . .
In the middle of this, he had another episode. The worst yet and the fist time he has had 2 within 24 hours. I was hit, kicked and scratched but nothing hurts compared to the emotional pain. I tried to act like everything was fine after… And I couldn’t. I went for a run so I could cry alone and when I went up to tuck him in, he was already asleep.
Sorry gang I’ve got nothin left besides “tomorrow is another day” and he has a appointment with his pediatrician and hopefully someone can get us in somewhere fast. I promise I’ll be funny again next blog but until then… I leave you with my mantra written by the man behind a mask, Charlie Chaplin:
Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You’ll get by
If you smile through your pain and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear
May be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what’s the use of crying?
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just…