Good day blogland! It’s Monday, and I’m PMSing and cranky so I thought I would vent a little steam on a subject that has, at one point or another, annoyed and angered us ALL: Driving. Or rather other people and things on the road while we are driving.
There are SO Many reasons to get angry while driving, that it’s no wonder that the phrase; “Road Rage” is known, and understood by almost everyone. Where I live (in the US state of Ohio), I road rage get even worse in the summer. You will see why in most of the reasons below. So I give you, in no particular order, other than the moment they pop into my pea-brain, the most IRRITATING things encountered while driving in summer:
- Orange Barrel Season. In Ohio instead of referring to the four seasons as Fall, Winter, Spring and Summer, we tend to refer to what is commonly seen in each season. Autumn (or Fall) is known as either “Leaf” or “Deer Season” as both of these are abundant everywhere. Winter is “Lake Effect Snow season”. Spring is either “rain” or “baseball” season. Summer, is better known as “Orange Barrel Season”. In Ohio, winters (and even fall & spring for that matter) can be bitter cold, with feet of snow, which is not conducive for road construction and repair. Beginning in late spring, usually June 1, is when “Orange Barrel Season” begins, and it that is when repairs on roads happen. Whether it’s widening roads, repairing roads or rebuilding bridges (there’s our lovely Daily Prompt), . EVERYWHERE. Which segways perfectly into:
- ALL Roads Going the Same Direction closed at the SAME TIME. THANK YOU (sarcasm Font) to the GENIUS (more sarcasm) Engineers or whomever who decided that work be done on all North to South roads at one time, and then all East to West roads at the same time. This leaves maybe one or two unaffected roads to navigate per town. It’s VERY ANNOYING. Example: They are building a railroad overpass down the street from me, so that road has been, and will remain closed for about 6 months. At the SAME time, the Railroad company decided to close 4 of the other 5 railroad crossings going North and South between two main roads in our town from Thursday until Sunday. IT. WAS. A. NIGHTMARE. Traffic was backed up over a mile in every direction.
- More Traffic with Less Roads to drive on. Let’s not forget that people are driving places for summer vacation, road-trips, day trips, etc.so traffic tends to be heavier due to that as well. Appratantly I’m a GENIUS because I know a simple math equation, that apparntly these “traffic engineers” are not privy to:
MORE CARS + LESS ROADS = TRAFFIC JAMS
Leading nicely into:
- Traffic Jams are the WORST in Summer. It’s anywhere from 80 to 95 degrees Fahrenheit out. You are in a car, which probably has dark interior, which adds an easy 10 degrees, and on a black asphalt road, adding another 10-20 degrees, and there probably aren’t many shade trees around. AND GUESS WHAT?! My AC is NOT currently blowing out cold air, so no matter what, if we aren’t moving, we swelter. Which makes me sweat, which makes me stink, which makes my kids complain, WHICH makes me CRANKY. THEN the engine overheats and PFFFFFFEW… you’re STUCK!! Bad, badder (I KNOW that’s not a word, but it’s my blog so I’m keeping “badder”) and baddest. OH, and SINCE we have the windows open:
- Keep your BUTTS OUT of my face and off my car!! OK this is going to open a can of worms, BUT again, my blog and I don’t care. I posted this about 3 years ago on my FB wall, and I’m resurrecting it for this bullet point:
Summer public service announcement:
Apparently people think their butts smell great, but I’m here to tell you they do NOT! In fact, I think your butts STINK! I know it’s hot, but frankly I don’t care how hot or cold it is outside, keep your dirty butts away from me! Please do not let your butts touch the seat, hood or any other part of my car, or me. Also i don’t think that my kids or i should be subjected to the nauseating stench of your butts! If you do not listen, i just may follow my impulse to spray all of your butts with water.
Megan “the nonsmoker” Bryant
Before you tear me apart for being “intolerant” (which I’m not). I get severe migraines, and one of the triggers is second-hand cigarette smoke. That, coupled with the fact that it smells similar to car exhaust, which sets off my PTSD means I just can’t physically handle it. And let’s be honest in MY car, I shouldn’t have to. Plus, NOTHING is more infuriating when my poor left arm is innocently dangling out the window, minding it’s own business enjoying the breeze when BAM!! Someone flicks their cigarette ash off their butt in front of you, only to burn your poor INNOCENT hand!!
- GO the SPEED LIMIT. As mentioned in the five reasons above, it’s hard to get anywhere on time in summer, in an overheated car. So by all means when the going is good, GET GOING!! It’s SO irritating having a nice clear, working road, aaand the (MORON) in front of you is going 25 miles an hour IN A 35 MPH ROAD. GAAAAH! This irritating instance is ONLY topped BY
- Someone pulling out in front of you and then CRAWLING. We’ve ALL had it happen. You’re driving along, without a care (or a cop) in the world at a steady 5 miles over the limit. No one is behind you, yet someone pulls out RIGHT in front of you, causing you to SLAM on the brakes and you JUST miss hitting them. THEN. THEY. CRAWL! No you are going 10 – 15 miles UNDER the speed limit! How is going THAT much UNDER the speed limit not an enforced, ticketable offense? If the table were turned and I did that and went 10-15 OVER the speed limit, you bet Johnny Law (aka the cops, PoPo, the Fuzz, or police would pull my butt over and ticket me!! WHY do they not do the same with going UNDER the limit? It’s JUST as dangerous! :
- The MERGE Ramp on the Highway . Apparently not everyone on the planet know the purposes of the “Merge” or “On ramp” entrance to the highway (aka freeway, expressway or turnpike) accelerating on the merge ramp, so allow me to enlighten you. The purpose of said ramp is to RAPIDLY ACCELERATE to match the speed of the vehicles already traveling on said high speed roadway and merge seamlessly into moving traffic. You do ABSOLUTELY NOT putz to the end of the ramp, STOP and wait for traffic moving 65 mph to stop and let you in, because VEHICLES going 60 + mph can NOT STOP!! Finally, when you are on the highway you MUST remember:
- There is more than one lane on a highway for a reason. Almost every highway has at least two lanes for a reason. Slower traffic stays to the right, and traffic moving quicker uses the left-most lane to go around slower traffic and pass them. If everyone uses these lanes correctly, traffic speeds quickly and efficiently along. On the contrary, if slowpokes putter in the fast lane, and ignore the traffic behind them trying to use the lane quickly (and properly) then cars try passing said annoying slowpoke and accidents happen.
SO kids remember, remove your heads from your assets, and put your brain in gear BEFORE putting the car in gear. AND… JUST SHAVE your LEGS!!