Meg’s Disclaimer: I’m writing it with a naughty twinkle in my eye and a tongue in cheek, as we ALL know someone whom this applies to. Before the hate comments ensue, I realize that the below is not typical of EVERY man or EVERY woman. There is the occasional man who handles illness like a Superhero, and woman who is a baby. If you are that one man or woman, just laugh with us at those whom it does apply to.
Mutual Symptoms- Sinusitis is miserable, and I’m not belittling that. It gives us such WONDERFUL symptoms such as (but not limited to):
- Facial/jaw pain
- Nasal stuffiness/congestion
- Temporary loss of smell/ taste
- Runny Nose
- Sore throat
- Stomach ache (from all that nasty gunk draining into our poor tummy)
The above are pretty standard to everyone and you basically want to attach a vacuum to yourself in a desperate attempt to get all that gunk OUT and get back to feeling better. Now come the variants. Ladies First:
Additional Symptoms for Women
- Rawness of hands and nose will occur due to constant nose blowing an hand washing while trying to keep others from harm.
Treatment: Take over the counter meds/ hot toddies to control coughing where possible, and lessen other annoying symptoms (i.e. headaches, fever, etc). Wash hands every 2 minutes until rawness occurs so that germs are not spread on to other family members. Stick tissue into nasal cavity to prevent nasal drippage and surface contamination. Sleep on a couch or recliner as far from other members of the family as possible, so as not to disturb or contaminate others.
Outlook: Little to no cessation of day to day activities occurs. Women will still go to work, while caring for spouses, children and/or household chores, although they will move slower and more deliberately than normal, due to lack of sleep. Symptoms may last longer for women, since they can’t (or won’t) let any ELSE do their duties (because they don’t think they do it well enough).
Now, without FURTHER ADO here is what I have observed in the “Macho Men”…
Additional Symptoms for Men
- Everything is said with an exaggerated choking/whispering characteristic
- Frequent bouts of groaning and moaning
- Coughing must be done LOUDLY and pathetically, usually followed by a groan
- All functionality is impaired, and “normal” daily activities (such as going to work) cease
Treatment: Men tend to proclaim they “don’t know what to get” so they whine until they are handed over the counter medication by wife/ mother/ coworker (work wife), etc. Ask that all meals be homemade chicken soup, and served in bed/on the couch. Take off work/leave early, because you are simply too sick due to constant coughing. They must stay in bed or on a couch in front of the TV for no less than 24 hours or they “will die”, just ask any other guy. Oftentimes female spouses are unable to sleep during said illness and must flea elsewhere to avoid the excessive noise of groaning and hacking to obtain sleep.
Outlook: You MUST be dying because you are a “tough guy” and you never get this sick. Death is better. Believe it or not, you will be better in about a week or two, just around the time your spouse, children, and coworkers gets sick due to one or MORE of the following:
- You were too sick to throw your DIRTY, SNOT-FILLED TISSUES in the garbage, or even on the FLOOR next to you, so instead you leave them IN THE BED, (or on the couch, etc.) and she woke up in a PILE OF YOUR DRIED SNOT!!
- The trail of dirty, unwashed, germ infected cups and dishes left around the home or office that others have to touch and wash.
- The mouth is not always covered when coughing, because covering the cough muffles the pathetic, “poor me” effect, and less people hear how sick the patient is.
OK tangent ended. I’m stepping off my soap box and heading to shave my legs and possible bleach my hands (kidding)… in the hopes that it keeps me fight off the germs that the disease carrying neanderthals I work with have bathed me in. Until next time remember to just SHAVE your LEGS (and cover your mouth and throw your dirty tissues away)!!